Friday, 22 August 2008


It's not fair! Nobody ever nominates ME for ANY awards. Can't they see how brilliant I am? I have been in the Golden Dozen five times! And there are a whole heap of other posts I wrote that are far more brilliant than the ones that actually got in the Golden Dozen for those weeks. I am clearly better than anyone else who ever wrote a blog anyway, because I have a degree in creative writing and I have worked for a Lib Dem MP. Nominate me! There is nothing more important in life than blog contests, and all those other people don't even take the Lib Dem Blog of the Year awards or Iain Dale's Popularity Pantomime seriously. One of them even invented their own jokey awards to run alongside them, which is clearly blasphemous. It's not fair if they get nominated for Lib Dem Best New Blog and just have fun on the night instead of glowing with smugness like I would, if I even bothered to go to conference to pick up the award I would inevitably win. I probably won't go though, because I don't like conferences. The people getting on and having fun together there make me feel so alienated, because I'm not the centre of attention.

Everyone thinks I am being bitter and paranoid when I accuse the entire of the rest of the party of nepotism and that's not fair either. It's clearly true that the only people who get anywhere have got there by being related to or having sex with someone more important than them. I've paid my dues to this party and been in it for years. I might not get half the facts before I write blog posts but I'm a school governor and (did I mention?) I worked for an MP, and a council group. People are taking more of a shine to other new bloggers who have only been in the party five minutes. It can't be because they like their blogs better because look at me, I'm perfect, apart from accusing them all of boffing each other which they can't possibly take offense at because they are, aren't they? Yes, all of them!

While I'm here I'd like to point out that I'm really just about sick of people coming to my blog and commenting with a different point of view to mine - sometimes I allow the comments when moderating them, and then go back and delete them (though of course I leave up the ones where they are agreeing with me). Why should I answer constructive criticism? Why can't you all post nice, agreeable, sycophantic comments to my posts? After all, I'm nice to you. I write at least one post a week which basically consists of a list of questions just to get you to talk to me. I've had to resort to posting anonymous comments to my own blog just to get some of the praise I deserve. You will all be so sorry when I grow up. I'm going to be a real writer. Then you'll wish you could say "well, I was her greatest fan back when she just kept a basic blogger site".

You all suck! Love me! You disgust me, the lot of you! Talk to me! You're all having it off with each other and that's the only reason any of you get any recognition! Nominate me for an award!

apologies to anyone who may not have a clue what I am posting about here, normal service will be resumed as soon as a certain other blogger grows up.


Charlotte Gore said...

Can I nominate this as Most Sarcastic Post By A Lib Dem? :)

Stephanie Ashley said...

Excellent posting, Stephanie. Well done.

Jo said...

It's not in creative writing Steph. It's English with - therefore I majored in English.


P.S. You're right. I am talented!

Jennie said...

Ehehehehehehehehehe you said BUTT!

Nick Clegg said...

Steph, this post has made me see just exactly how brilliant and wonderful you are. Can I be your Lib Dem Boyfriend?

Lembit said...

Get your hands off her, Clegg, I saw her first.

Dr. Vince "Power" Cable said...

I am very disappointed that some of my fellow Lib Dem Glitterati don't seem to understand the concept of constructive comments. I, of course, do, because I am sensible and I know everything about the economy.

* puts on most statesmanlike expression in hopes of being noticed by Steph *

Also, I am clearly the best dancer in the party. Fancy a tango, Steph?

disestablishingpuritanism said...

You have some great posts, and you clearly demonstrate a wonderful writing talent. As a freelance writer and outspoken liberal in the U.S. known for my goofy sarcastic humor, it's great to find your blog.

Keep up the good fight. I have some mesmorizing, pulse-driven posts myself. Well, some of them anyway. You should know how we Americans act: "Hey, look at me. Look at me." It now seems to be a widespread epidemic, and we have American Idol to prove it. Take care.